On the Eve of Our Third

“Any day now” used to be a statement that made my skin crawl. Of course, this is when it was coming from the mouths of strangers in response to my ever-growing belly. Usually, they were off by a matter of 3 months or more and it would make me feel like a literal elephant in the room. (“Hi, no actually, I’m just a small house. But thanks!”) But now that our third kid really will be here any day now, I find myself saying it to other people before they can get a word out. It’s my mantra in these last few days; which are long and short all at once.

Any day now: I will become a momma of three girls.

Any day now: This chapter of  being pregnant and having babies will come to a bittersweet end and we will move on to the next; raising our family.

Any day now: I will enter the phase of newborn zombie-mom exhaustion and momentarily lose touch with all reality. My clothes will fit terribly, my body will ache, and my thoughts will remain fragmented and ultimately incomplete.

Any day now: I will hold a brand new helpless little human and fall in love with everything about her; just like I’ve had the blessing of doing two times already.

Any. Day. Now.

Being on the eve of such a life-altering change comes with so many emotions. I go on this trip of being super scared and overwhelmed to ridiculously excited and giddy. Each time both of my girls need me at the same time I think to myself, “Now pretend there’s one more crying for you” and I try to imagine how I would handle myself. And when I wake in the night (thanks to pregnancy insomnia) and the house is quiet, I imagine that precious one-on-one time I’ll get to spend with her: any day now.

I’m trying to ignore the well-intentioned warnings about being outnumbered or managing the chaos; because I know that my reality is what I make of it – and other people’s experiences don’t have to be my own…Although I know that to a degree, it’s coming. I know there will be a period of challenging and messy days. Tempers will be short, bodies will be tired, feelings will be hurt. But just as I know these things to be true, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We will figure it out, get in a groove, and come out stronger and smarter than we started. We will all learn our new roles as a family of five and we will move forward together.

And though any day now she will be earth-side… I know it will only seem like a matter of moments before this upcoming chapter comes to a close as well, and we’ll be looking back wondering how it went so fast. We will be juggling school and sports, friendships and big decisions. There won’t be any diapers to change or tea parties to attend; the messes will become smaller and our hearts only bigger.

So today while it’s quiet; while one naps and the other is away with her cousins, I find myself praying for the patience and strength that I know I will surely need to brave this next chapter with humility and grace. As we move onto our next chapter, my prayer for my family is that we can keep our eyes focused on making this the most beautiful and compelling of life’s novels… Any day now.

 

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